Conversations With a Hat
by illjwamh
Summary: We know how Harry's Sorting went. In some of my stories I've covered how a few other Sortings went. But what if I want to know about ALL of them? Herein can be found the personal Sorting Hat experiences of many prominent characters throughout the history of the Harry Potter world.


As I continue to write HP fanfiction, I find that I have my own little personal canon that I'm developing. All the stories I'm writing, from the pre-Marauders up through to Next-Gen, all take place in the same continuity, and I'm taking great pains to tie it all together. As part of this, I found myself imagining how the sorting of various characters would have gone. From a narrative perspective it wouldn't work to include all of them, but since I had most of them worked out I thought I'd just put them all together in one place. The way this is set up, each character's sorting is written from the way it would be if the entire chapter containing it were written from that character's POV (with Lily, and later with other characters – including Harry – this will literally be the case).

Among other things this helps me to establish answers to a number of questions that arise when I both read and write for Harry Potter, such as: "How the _hell_ did Peter Pettigrew get sorted into Gryffindor?"

Disclaimer: The world and all characters created by J.K. Rowling belong to her, her publishers, yadda yadda yadda. This is for my own enjoyment and no copyright infringement is intended.

Sirius Black

Sirius sauntered over to the stool, doing his best to give off an air of confidence, though inwardly he was nervous. Would the hat place him in Slytherin simply because he was a Black? He didn't think he could stand it. He'd be happy anywhere else – hell, even Hufflepuff!

Steeling himself, he plopped down and put on the hat.

'Well now, isn't this something!' came a voice. 'A Black who doesn't belong in Slytherin! A novel thing indeed.' Relief poured through Sirius like a soothing liquid. Anything else the hat said from here on out was fine with him.

'You've certainly got the brains for Ravenclaw, but not the disposition. I don't think it's the best fit for you. No, someone with your nerve needs to be in GRYFFINDOR!'

Elated, Sirius sprung up and replaced the hat on his stool. He turned to give a quick thumbs up to James Potter and then, hardly believing his luck, took off for the farthest table, who were welcoming him with cheers and applause.

Lily Evans

Lily stepped forward, knees suddenly shaking. Her heart was pounding in her chest. Whatever happened here, it would profoundly affect the rest of her life. She knew this in her bones.

She sat down and almost forgot to pick up the hat, but Professor McGonagall did it for her. And then it all happened so fast: she felt the hat drop onto her head and light was blocked out as it fell over her eyes, a voice in her head she couldn't identify said 'Ha!' followed by a belting cry of 'GRYFFINDOR!' The suddenness made her jump a little, and before she'd even made herself comfortable on the stool she was standing again, pulling the hat off and handing it back, and then hurrying toward the table full of her new housemates, who were cheering her welcomingly.

She turned and looked at Severus, who was looking quite miserable, and offered him an apologetic smile. But really, what had he expected?

Remus Lupin

'My my, what have we here?' asked a voice in his head the moment he put on the hat. Remus was startled, but once he understood what was happening, he nearly seized up.

'Fear not, I will tell no one of your secret who does not already know,' the hat said, calming him for the moment. 'But it is very brave of you to come here and stand up for your right to an education. Very brave indeed, I must say.'

'Brave?' Remus thought incredulously. 'I'm so terrified I can barely stand it! And the first full moon is this weekend. I won't even have time to settle in before someone gets a chance to find out!'

'My dear boy, it is not when we are fearless that we are brave, but when we are afraid,' the hat said. 'You could have easily chosen to remain hidden away, even procured a private tutor, yet you chose to come here. There is no question that you belong in GRYFFINDOR!'

So thoroughly shocked that he momentarily forgot he was supposed to take off the hat, Remus sat stunned until Professor McGonagall did it for him. When he still didn't move she patted him on the back and he staggered off toward his new table accompanied by a quiet rumbling of laughter. He was transfixed by what the hat had said. He'd been so focused on being afraid of coming to Hogwarts that he hadn't even thought about not doing anything at all. Was the hat right? Did that make him brave?

Peter Pettigrew

Peter sat down on the stool, holding his breath. The hat fell down over his eyes and he heard a voice in his head.

'Well now! You're going to be a difficult one to place, I can tell.' Peter almost jumped in alarm, then realized the hat must be talking to him.

'Yes, very difficult indeed,' it mused. 'What shall we do with you?'

Peter thought back to earlier on the train, and the group of boys who had, despite a bit of teasing, accepted him readily. He then thought of the boy they hadn't accepted, and what the reason for that had been.

'Please not Slytherin,' he thought desperately. 'Please.'

'Oh?' came a thoughtful reply, startling him again. He hadn't realized he'd be able to converse with the hat in his mind. 'Why not?' it asked.

'On the train today…'he attempted to explain, 'there was a boy…he wanted to be in Slytherin. Everyone made fun of him.'

'And you assume everyone would do the same to you? I assure you other Slytherins will not.'

'No, that's not it,' Peter tried to explain. 'They…they were nice to me.' No one was ever nice to him.

'You think then they would not be if I placed you in Slytherin?' the hat asked. Peter started to nod, then remembered that the hat might not be able to see that, so he said yes in his head.

'I see,' said the hat. 'Is there any place in particular you wanted to go?' Peter thought. Decker and Shields had said they wanted Ravenclaw – Decker was already there. Black and Potter wanted Gryffindor, and Black had gotten his wish, too. He supposed either would be good, and told the hat so.

'Ravenclaw or Gryffindor, you say?' it replied. 'I don't know. I believe you have more Slytherin in you than either of them.'

'No! Please!' Peter begged desperately. He could feel the beginnings of tears forming behind his eyes.

'You are not to be swayed, I see. Very well, we shall shelve Slytherin for the moment. I suppose I could fit you in Hufflepuff…'

'Hufflepuff?' Peter asked, dejected. That was almost as bad!

'It's not a perfect fit,' the hat admitted, 'but Hufflepuffs are known for being inclusive. It could work.'

Peter was really in danger of crying now. 'Please, please!' he begged the hat. 'You don't understand! I've never had any friends before, ever! Please put me in with one of them!'

'You could just as easily make friends in Hufflepuff, you know,' the hat told him.

'No!' he wailed in his mind. 'No, I can't! I couldn't! I don't know how things went so well today, but please, you have to help me!'

There was a long pause, and then Peter felt what could only have been a sigh pass through his mind. 'As you wish,' the hat relented. 'Though I believe you may not be as happy as you could be elsewhere, I will do as you ask. Ravenclaw is out, I'm afraid, so that means you'll be in GRYFFINDOR!'

James Potter

James sauntered over to the stool confidently. He knew what was going to happen. The only question was whether it would happen quickly, like Lily Evans, or would it take a long time, like Peter Pettigrew? He was pretty sure it would be quick, but who knew with a hat?

He sat on the stool and smiled, waiting for Professor McGonagall to place the hat on his head. The instant he felt it brush his unruly hair, it bellowed 'GRYFFINDOR!' throughout the hall.

'_Well, it was over with quickly after all,'_ he thought, strolling across the chamber to join his new housemates. _'Almost a shame, really. I was kind of wondering if I could talk to it.'_

Severus Snape

Severus gloomily shuffled over to the stool. No matter what happened, he knew he wouldn't be completely happy. Either he'd be in the house he wanted but separated from Lily, or he'd be with her but stuck with Potter and Black, and in stinking _Gryffindor_ to boot. The only thing worse would be if he was put somewhere else entirely. While he supposed Ravenclaw wouldn't be the end of the world, not being in Slytherin and _still_ not being with Lily would just be too much.

He slumped into rather than sat on the stool, and the professor placed the hat upon his head. If he was expecting something to happen right away, he was disappointed. The hat said nothing, and he felt like a fool simply sitting there with a tattered old hat falling down over his eyes.

Then suddenly something did happen, though nothing he would have expected. The hat spoke. In his head.

'_My my my, you are a particularly difficult one to place, aren't you?'_ it mused. _'I sense courage in you, but you keep it hidden away. That, plus an overabundance of disdain for the house itself, makes you a poor fit for Gryffindor. Pity. You could have done well there.'_

Severus felt a surge of indignation and was about to tell the hat where it could get off, but it interrupted him.

'_Settle down, settle down. I said I wasn't going to place you there, didn't I? Now let's see…you have the work ethic for Hufflepuff, but not the disposition. You have the brains for Ravenclaw but not the priorities. No, what I sense most in you is pride. Pride and cunning, a combination that can only place you in SLYTHERIN!'_

The last word, shouted aloud, made Severus jump. It also gave his heart a jolt; he'd gotten what he wanted. Only now did he realize that this was what he'd been truly hoping for. Yes he was disappointed not to be with Lily, but had the hat placed him with her in Gryffindor he would have been miserable. At least now he was finally where he belonged.

As he stood and handed the hat back to the professor, he gave his best friend one final look. Something passed between them in that glance; they were apart but not divided. Hogwarts was a big school after all; they'd still have time together. With that thought in his head Severus strode over to join his housemates, if not completely happy, then for once at least content.


End file.
